My Story - Part 1

Some of the people who read this, may not like what I have to say. To all of you, I'm sorry...but this is my story, and it's time I tell it.

PART 1

My parents first told us that they were getting a divorce when I was 9 years old.

Back then we didn't know about divorce. No-one in our family had ever been divorced, and none of my friends at school had divorced parents. But my brothers and I cried nonetheless, because Mommy and Daddy didn't love each other anymore, and one of them wouldn't be living with us anymore.

Things progressed to the obligatory counselling for us kids. I don't remember much about it, except that it didn't last long. Mommy and Daddy somehow miraculously loved each other again, and would not be getting a divorce.

Fast forward 5 years, and we're sitting in the lounge again....and hearing the same story again. Only this time, we all knew what divorce was.

This is where a lot of my own issues started. Mostly, I haven't let things that happened during my parents' 3 year divorce proceedings get me down in everyday life, but I carry the scars nonetheless.

I was 14 on that fateful day in October when my parents finally decided to call it quits for good. My brothers and I were given the choice about where we wanted to live, and seeing as my mom was the one who would be moving out, we all opted to stay together and with my dad, who would be keeping the house.

Things went really well in the beginning. My dad was my idol, and we spent many a night just chatting after my brothers went to bed. I was the woman in the house now, and my dad trusted me enough to tell me things about his and my mom's relationship. Things a 14 year old shouldn't really know about her mom, and which I'm not sure were entirely true. But my dad trusted me, and that's all that mattered at the time.

One afternoon, we were at a very close friend's house, and my dad came to my brothers and me, and asked us an impossible question: 'Could Mom come back?'. Seems that she missed us, and her and my dad had sorted out their problems, and she wanted to come back to us. I remember my initial reaction was that of confusion and shock, as opposed to the excitement that you would come to expect. But we said yes...who wouldn't?

So Mom moved back in, and the world seemed right again.....for 5 months.

I remember clearly when it happened. My dad came home and started throwing my mom's things out of their room. She followed shortly after and they started having a screaming match in the hallway. In the past, whenever my parents had an argument, they would do it behind closed doors, but as my mom started closing the door and asking us to leave them alone, my dad screamed that we were to stay, and to see what he was doing, and why. Insults were hurled like knives to and fro, with my brothers and I watching every second of it.

After what seemed like an age, we left the room. My brothers ran for their respective beds to cry, and I tried to find help from our live-in maid (who was like a second mother to us). When I came back inside, my mom was in the room with my brothers. Their sobs could be heard down the hallway.

I'd only been in the room for a few seconds when my dad arrived. He screamed at my mom in what is supposed to be a child's safe haven....and she screamed back through her own tears. It was here that one of my most vivid memories took place. My dad made the unforgivable mistake of asking me what I thought of the whole mess...right there, in front of everyone. I replied with a shout of my own: 'Why do you always have to fuck things up!?!' I meant it for both of them, but my dad was the one who stalked off saying that he was the bad guy again, while I collapsed in tears.

To be continued......

(P.S: a lot of this is going to be about my dad. That is not necessarily my intention. I have my issues with my dad, a lot of which are because of the divorce, but I'm in the process of forgiving him for past wrongs. This is part of my healing process)

Make some noise....

Back online and following suit

I'm baaaaaaccccckkkkk!!! And feeling much better thanks :-) This flu was the pits, I was knocking on the door to Bronchitis. But all is well, and so am I.

Due to my prolonged absence, I'm a bit behind on all my fav reads, so if I leave a comment to a post you made a week ago, sorry, just playing catch-up. Also, my brain is still a bit fried from the plethora of meds that I had to consume, so my post won't be much more than the meme I've been finding on everyone's blogs.

Here goes......8 random things about moi :-)

1. I'm fiercely loyal. To the point where I very seldom hear gossip of any kind. People will not gossip to me about my friends because I will defend said friend....to the death if need be.

2. I'm an excellent liar. Not something to be proud of, I know. But I am very good at it. And I very seldom get caught.

3. I'm a procrastinator of epic proportions. I prefer working under pressure, which is probably why I leave most things until the last possible minute. It might also explain why I lie so well...hehehe

4. I have an enormous family. Besides for the fact that my parents are divorced and both remarried with a whole bunch of kids, my extended family is very large. I have cousins I haven't even met yet!!

5. I sing pretty well. I'm one of the lead singers in our church, which means I'm out there every Sunday, with my own microphone. (I have hectic stage fright though, even after 19 years of singing for crowds.)

6. I desperately want to have twins as my first (and possibly only) kids. Its a bit of a selfish dream, seeing as I always wanted to have a twin sister. That's obviously not going to happen....so twin kids would be the next best thing :-)

7. I'm fully bilingual. I speak both English and Afrikaans without any accent. I also speak a bit of Spanish and Zulu and I can read a bit of German. Languages fascinate me.

8. I've had a lesbian experience. It was in my wilder days, and I won't go into details. I will say though, that I don't regret it at all.... ;-)

Well that's me for now.

Cya!!

Ugh!!

I'm horribly sick. Waiting for hubby to come fetch me from work.

I shouldn't have come in the first place.

I hope this flu doesn't spread to too many people.....it's a nasty one. My fever hasn't broken in three days.

Keep your guard up, and stay away from anyone who looks like they have a fever of a slight cough. And don't go near any air conditioners!!

I be back when I feel better....

My latest Glog

Long time no see

I'm sometimes awed at the people I find and who find me on Facebook.

I met this girl on my very first day of school. She was bawling her eyes out because she had to leave her doggie with her mom. With an innocent smile I looked at her, told her not to cry and to come sit next to me. We were instant friends.

That was 19 years ago. We'd lost contact when we went to different high schools. There were many other reasons why we didn't try to stay in contact, but I'll leave those for another day.

Anyway, I found her on Facebook a few days ago, and decided to try my luck and to add her as a friend. I nearly fell off my chair when she accepted, especially considering our history. She flabbergasted me even more when she sent me a message today, after not speaking to me for 9 years......did you get that?? 9 years!!

She's phoning me tonight......

To be continued.....

I'm still deciding on the look of my blog. This was just temporary, until I found something I really liked. As of today I still haven't found anything.

My weekend ended up being spent inside cinemas for the most part. Okay, so we watched two movies, but it felt like the whole weekend.

First off was Hancock on Friday night. Excellent movie!! It had two brilliant moral lessons, an unpredictable storyline, huge special effects (a favourite of mine) and was just all round entertaining.

Saturday was spent doing sound checks for the church where I sing. It took 4 hours with a guy who's meant to be one of the best sound technicians in the country. And a bunch of vocalists who weren't happy the next morning (when everything mysteriously changed.)

Sunday night we ended up joining another couple for a movie again, which is not the best idea when you have to wake me up from my afternoon nap to go watch the movie.

Let me explain something about my temper....I'm mostly a very placid, fun and understanding person. Granted, I do get upset, but I never let it get to the people around me when I'm in a bad mood, and I'll try and get over it as soon as possible. I enjoy having a good time, and my mood won't get in my way.

But don't wake me up.

I had a very late night on Saturday, and a very early morning on Sunday. I needed some sleep, and a late Sunday afternoon nap sounded like a gift from above. I'd been asleep for about 30 minutes when my phone rang. It was my friend (I'll call her Kung Fu...) and I promptly ignored her call. If it was urgent, they could phone Hubby....which they did. Kung Fu and her long-time boyfriend (and Hubby's one bandmate) G, wanted to go see Wanted.

So once Hubby finally convinced me that cutting my nap short would be a good idea, we moseyed on down to the nearest Ster Kinerkor to watch a movie that I hadn't seen a single trailer for. Needless to say, I was not a happy camper. We only just arrived in time for the movie, I was still half asleep, and the queue to get popcorn was halfway out the door!! I nearly exploded....especially when my three companions tried to convince me to skip the popcorn so that we could just get to the movie!!! Sacrilege!!

It took every ounce of will power that I could muster in my groggy state of mind not to snap their heads of in a blind fit of rage. Instead I stood there glaring at them with tears of anger and indignation brimming in my eyes. They wisely decided to go on with out me.

After 30 minutes and another near-casualty in my wake, I finally sat down next to Hubby, with my large popcorn in my lap.....only 3 minutes into the movie. (I love endless previews!!)

What followed was a action movie of epic proportions. I mentioned earlier that I hadn't seen a single preview for the movie, so I had no idea what to expect. I even had the actors wrong. ( I though it was Jessica Alba on the poster)

The movie is about assasins.....kick-ass assasins who will rip you apart in very creative ways. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time....my afternoon groggyness and resultant mood, long forgotton. I walked out of there feeling like I'd been at a spa. If you're into adrenaline rushes, ridiculous and exhilarating car chases and a naked Angelina Jolie, then Wanted is the movie for you.

Hubby and I will be buying it as soon as it's available on DVD (legally, of course)

In the meantime though, it's "Time to Say Goodbye" (sorry....movie reference)

**btw: check out my Glog

Letting go...

It's one of the hardest things in the world to do. Knowing that you have no other choice but to let someone go, and harbouring ill feelings would be unfair on both of you.

This is the dilemma I sit with now.

My husband is a musician. It's his dream, his passion and soon to be his whole career. He and his bandmates have worked very hard to get to this point. They are almost ready to launch their first album......and their lead guitarist has just quit the band.

We all knew it would happen eventually. The subtle hints he gave, the blatant cries his girlfriend gave. We all knew it was just a matter of time. But it still hurts.

For the last three and a half years, my husband and his four best friends have worked hard, prayed hard and suffered hard to finally have their music unveiled to the world. They've been through months with no gigs, shady record labels, broken gear and missed opportunities. They've all had to take on a crappy day jobs to survive. They've all had to spend late nights in the studio, while their wives and girlfriend waited for them at home.

We suffered with them.

And now, one of them has to leave. It was his choice....it was time, and we wish him well, but its like losing a brother. Like breaking up with a long-time lover. They will go on without him.....and they will be successful. But we will never forget, and it will never quite be the same. We will miss him, but we won't hold him back....he doesn't belong there anymore. And he will always be our friend.

Changes will be made to the album cover, and to the future setup, and to the way the songs are played, and no-one will know the difference. In all honesty, we're happy that it happened now, rather than a few months down the line, when things won't be as easy to change.

My sincere hope is that he won't regret it.....and that he will get the blessings he's been promised.

And that he knows that he will always be our brother.

Icecapades

Ugh.....I need to get a phone with a camera in again.....you'll just have to take my word for it, for now.

This morning, upon leaving my humble abode, I realised the the quaint little water feature in the front yard was frozen. That's right....FROZEN!!

It's one of those fancy, modern art things with 3 large, oddly shaped pots standing in a big bowl of sorts. Each pot has its little spout at the top, and the water runs down the sides of the pots, as opposed to spraying arcs of water such as the fountains of old.

Anyway, most of the water trickling down the sides of said pots, had frozen into little bubble-like shapes, all along the path the water usually takes. The water in the large bowl at the bottom had a layer of ice about 1cm thick on top of it. The only place where the water was still moving, was at the top of the pots where the spouts are.

Hubby recalls that the last time the water feature has frozen like that was last year just before it snowed in Joburg.....maybe this is a sign??

Change is as good as a holiday

I had a haircut last night. And it looks fabulous.

I'm not someone who likes too much change, even though I get bored fairly easily. When my husband recently got a makeover for the band's photo shoot for the new album cover, I burst into tears. He looked amazing, but it was too much change for me to handle all at once.

Which is why I was apprehensive about my potential new look.

Once of my closest friends is an excellent hairdresser, with a salon built onto her house. She gave me a voucher for a free haircut at the salon for my birthday, which I redeemed last night.

As it happened, I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with my hair, and upon mentioning this to her, my friend practically begged me to give her free reign over the style, colour and length of my hair.....meaning I had no say, and no idea of what it would look like.

The thought of it nearly had me in tears again!!

Regardless, her being the expert that she is, (especially considering what my husband looked like after she was done with him) I told her that she could do what she liked.

The result, incredible!! I look and feel great, and hubby seems to love it :-)

My darling friend truly is a genius when it comes to hair.......and I would gladly recommend her to anyone else (in the general Johannesburg area). So if you want a haircut from the very best, drop me an email :-)

Dear Diary

And so I venture into the world of self-absorbed blogging once more.

This has never really been my thing, and yet I feel a constant yearning to do memes. Oh, and to actually write about something less infuriating than politics.

So I commence my virgin post with a meme that I found on Sweets' site, which I couldn't resist.

I am: volatile, vicious, spontaneous and adorable.

I think: on the fly, sometimes I don't think at all.

I know: that I can't do this job forever.

I want: to realise my dream.

I have: more than I need, but less than I want.

I wish: I could wake myself up sometimes.

I hate: hypocrisy. You are allowed to be stupid, but don't stab me in the back.

I miss: being carefree.

I fear: rejection, and failure.

I feel: anxious. I need more certainty.

I hear: noise.

I smell: arrogance and ego. (I work with men)

I crave: purpose.

I search: for answers.

I wonder: what the future holds, but I don't really want to know.

I regret: ..... classified top secret.

I love: my husband, and popcorn.

I ache: when I see an animal in distress. I think I love animals more than people.

I am not: anyone's doormat. I will not let you walk over me.

I believe: the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way.

I dance: when the music takes me.

I sing: whenever, wherever. Singing is my one true passion.

I cry: when I'm alone.

I don’t always: smile sincerely.

I fight: with whoever gets in my way.

I write: when I feel like it.

I win: arguments. Always.

I lose: everything but those few extra pounds.

I am never: purposefully nasty. If I hurt you, I probably didn't mean to.

I never: admit pain. I'd rather lie than let someone see how I really feel. (with a few exceptions)

I always: put the toilet seat down. I have a thing about that.

I confuse: easily. I probably wasn't paying attention.

I listen: when something sounds important.

I can usually be found: reading some murder novel.

I am scared: of spiders.....nay, terrified.

I need: therapy.

I am happy: when I feel loved.

I imagine: seldom. I don't like dreaming.

I won't tag anyone. But feel free to do this. It's not as easy as it looks.
Have a beautiful day.